Best/worst year
The time I lost more than $100k
Let’s back up a second.
A few years back, I lost 100 lbs. I also lost more than $100k that same year. (I am a drunk with money)
Consolidated with many contrasting emotions about being a heavyweight loser, you would think I’d be proud of the hard work that went into this transformation. Still, there’s more to it than that.
I searched my inner world for that broken something for decades because something always felt messy inside. (Self-hate is hard to live with, no matter what size.)
(By recently, I meant over the last few years - it feels like a million years ago because my life is so radically different now.)
I’m not the same person now as I was then, but yet, I’m not a better person; I didn’t do anything impressive to get out of the double hundreds in weight. It took some really sweet, gruelling, and revolutionary choices for peace of mind and happiness to surface.
It’s a bit embarrassing to admit now, but I thought that all my troubles would melt away. The problems I had left untouched forever erupted- an emotional, psychological response where a full-blown existential awakening came into light. After years of Breathwork, I am thankful for my mental fortitude. And I figured being a successful lightweight was fair compensation for the unexpected torment and the surely paradigm-shifting, soul-shuddering transformation.
Here’s why I’m telling you this story.
I hold space for the radically changing brave ones.
Because I am living proof, change is messy.
It is hard to do alone.
Breathwork can initiate transformation, and it can help you make it through that change intact.
Now, I live a pretty great life! I embrace my smaller pot belly, wide hips and thighs that jiggle. People say I look lovely.
I never dreamed of sharing that with my audience. Still, it seemed necessary because it is counter-intuitive not to represent who I truly am.
I am indebted to all the profound healing Breathwork has delivered.
I will soon be collaborating with Bright Swimwear (a sustainable body-positive swimsuit designer from Sweden) to normalize bodies and celebrate.
How are you showing up?
Do you think you could catapult into something big?
Love,
