This 🍄 intel was hard-won.
Balls to the wall, baby—full throttle.
Back in July, I made a promise to myself,
I promised:
No more playing small.
Sit with discomfort, heal the pain and let the heartbreak of life be felt until it's time to mobilize the messy.
No more putting myself last. I protected a truth lying dormant in my heart for years.
Do the hard work and get help. Be honest.
Find the right resources and people to grow and heal with.
Beyond all that icky-sticky emotional stuff, there are a lot of strategies. That was the beginning. It was what I was aware of at the time. And very quickly became aware of so many other problems I'd been perpetuating. It was not just my internal dramas getting in the way.
I hired a ton of help to figure out ways of moving forward that are more aligned with my values and less about continuing the cycle. I showed up to heal the shadow of my darkness through psychedelics with intention. Also, I got honest about what I discovered in those therapeutic journeys, most of which revolve around forming new conscious relationships by:
Joining a conscious community led by Laura Tucker. Survivor of fatal sweat lodge retreat organized by self-help guru James Arthur Ray.
Healing and learning online Healthy Relationships with cult expert Janja Lalich
I doubled up with two new coaches. Both Sonia and Sonja are helping me stop making excuses for my addiction and the hard work I need to do to write about it. It is simple. Just be honest.
Letting go of feeling like I am "too much."
Finding a safe, appropriate place where I can get support has helped me be a better person, Coach, partner and friend.
This intel was hard-won. There's so much more to be done. I'm still learning, and I'm still here, sharing from the messy middle.
But.
Nothing you can't handle.
I see you.
And no matter what anyone says…
No matter what jerk threw you under the bus or told you, "your problem is that you're too much…”
You have my blessings!
You were put here to shine your light on the world.
Release your big magic into the ethers and call in fierce and full expression.
Balls to the wall, baby—full throttle.
May we learn and grow together!
only love,
PS. If you're new here, welcome. I'm excited about life right now, and oddly that means I share my struggles and journey more. (Thanks for the encouragement, Coach Sonia!!) more truth is coming soon... louder and more publically.