Breathwork is powerful

a peak experience that changed the meaning of owning my trauma

Breathwork is a powerful psychedelic. I have studied and practiced Breathwork since 2002. My practice and training are combined modalities. I explored Dharma Breath, Pranayama Breath, Holotropic Breathwork, Angelic Breath, and Wim Hoff methods. Early in my career, I attended as a birth and postpartum doula. My devotion to healing developed while working with subconscious/nonordinary states in my private Coaching practice for nearly 16 years.

Personally engaging in trauma-informed work and safety has drastically changed for me in the past three years. But in the wellness world, so much stays the same. We are now seeing the world through new post-pandemic eyes. So, I ask you to read this piece with curiosity and to chat with me about what we know now and what we can learn from it, so we do not repeat it.

The story I am about to share happened in the before time. 

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​​I went to a breathwork class with a facilitator I met on Instagram.

She knew I was also a facilitator and tried not to make it awkward like I was auditing her class or something.

I was there to have a new experience. This setting was new for me, and I was nervous too. The intro was well-rehearsed and flat. I tried to pay attention to the canned introduction and way-too teethy airy smile.

She shared that she offered body adjustments assisting the breath, asking the class if anyone would prefer not to be touched. She requested those who didn't want touch to place their hand on their abdomen; I put my hand on my belly: the group, primarily women, laid down, eyemasks on and breathing. Every song brought new positions, new rhythms and new breath. I could sense the facilitator circling me, she knew I opted out of her bodywork, but she was so close I could smell her breath and body odour as she moved in and out of my personal space. I move, shake, and breathe, using what I know works to release, let go, and reach for that sweet spot in my brain that would bring on a blissful high.

The class was over, it had been less than satisfying, and I had a feeling I could not shake. Members of the circle shared their experiences. Eventually, we closed with everyone bowing with gratitude. As I packed up my things, the facilitator excitedly approached me. Her eyes were bright, her smile soft and busting, ready to hear my comments. I didn't have much to say, I thanked her, and she pulled me in, holding my shoulders. She spoke in a low, slow tone, like talking to a small child. She said she sensed my trauma and understood I did not want to be touched, but it was hard for her to resist knowing she could help. She saw I was working hard with my breath and said she offered her energy. She shared she had sent healing to me, my trauma, and my pain. I had not agreed to her touching me or circling me like a predator, giving her energy or all of her healing to me in ways she insisted she must provide. She couldn't help herself. She had all the power bursting out of her while I lay on the floor, eyes covered, unaware. She had to have her way without touching me. She thought she knew what I needed better than her ability to honour my need to be safe.

~

Fast forward a few years. It's complex and multifaceted, and the break offers the kind of reprieve people like me have wanted for all those messy years. And as strange as it may sound, would it look chaotic now or be different if I had not had that moment to learn my boundaries and discomfort with others' offers? Instead, it was born out of my frustration with trying to understand how to do better. That peak experience changed the meaning of my trauma and re-oriented me to things more significant; it was a healing experience. The world will not come back like a forgotten word. I am acknowledging a very different reality. The safe keeping of our safety is important to find. 

Wisdom has brought that new lens to my writing, professional practice, and healthy relationships with a better understanding of consent. 

I think differently now; I shock myself when I don't always know what I believe. I welcome change, which can be surprising to those who know me. 

Was there a moment in your life when you believed something and then reversed that thinking completely?

Also, what changed your mind?

I want to create a place where we can chat about real-life events. What about you?

Sunshine on,

Resources:

• Starting the day writing with morning coffee sessions with Firefly Creative Writing Five times a week, 9am EST 

• Khruangbin, we're coming for ya!! Looking forward to Monday lying on the grass at Artpark in Lewiston, NY, loving life listening to the band is known for blending global music influences, such as classic soul, dub, rock and psychedelia.  How do you say it? karang bin 

• Did you know you can buy audiobooks where part of the sale goes to your local independent bookstore? And they offer monthly subscriptions too!! Check out

  https://libro.fm

• After psychedelic medicine, with heightened neuroplasticity, it can be an excellent time to introduce functional changes and habits. Combining psychedelics with Integration Coaching helps people sustain long-term shifts in their behaviours and hold a more positive attitude. 

• Breathwork is an incredible integration tool.