i went weird
and other k-hole tales
"I don't want to make somebody else. I want to make myself."
― Toni Morrison, Sula
Ketamine is weird; everything on Ketamine is weird.
The word weird is weird on Ketamine.
On Ketamine, I get caught up on words, especially words that begin with w - like Wednesday and my sister's name and strangely duo-tang.
Last year I ventured into the world of Ketamine out of curiosity, and honestly, I wasn't expecting to be impressed. It distorts the senses and can produce a total out-of-body experience, which freaked me out. As with anything new, taking it slow and getting to know the drug is essential.
Doing psychedelics was a way open up and look at the toxic, complex, chaotic world we have created for ourselves - and then find promising ways to do something about it.
Ketamine has been a powerful way to cope with the constant onslaught of confusion and daily distress. I learned that time-out on Ketamine is instructive for reconstructing the mind, a creative journey into deep inner space. What I discovered was so euphoric, blissful and warm and relaxed, no longer stuck in the loop of whatever life was - rumination, depression. It was the key to working through old trauma that kept repeating, to unlock resistance to deep connections or relational issues I couldn't entirely break through.
The mind-melding moments offer a new perspective. The inside of the k-hole, which felt like nothing I had ever experienced, materialized as the vast arctic tundra of complete whiteness in my mind's search for meaning. Through complete desolation, I discovered stripping of everything I knew to be comforting: my love for life, the people around me(yes, that's you!!), my work, clients, home, and family is all I need. I am a very fortunate human to know that I am complete.
And Ketamine is weird.
At a peculiar time, on a recreational journey with Ketamine, my best friend Tarzan and I decided to make a baby. It was logical because sometimes, when there is so much love between two people, it is hard to contain.
Our platonic love doesn't just fit on the lips in a kiss, a sentence, a story, or one heart; we need a place to put it. The abundance of love and pain we have experienced together has birthed worlds, healed generations of pain, offered heavenly beauty in the darkest corners of our souls, and demonstrated love beyond our historically broken and limited abilities to trust another human in this endearing way of women untethered from our origins.
Our imaginary love child was birthed on Feb 19, 2022. We named our baby word.
Happy Bornday word. You are loved.
And Tarzan, thank you for co-parenting word. and co-piloting Ketamine and this very precious life with me.
May we all continue to bloom,
Duatang? What the heck are you talking about? The origins of the words "Duatang" and "Touque"? These words are uniquely Canadian. Note: According to the Canadian Oxford Dictionary, Duo-Tang is a "proprietary" term (i.e., a company enjoys trademark protection) for a type of folder for looseleaf paper.
Ketamine is legal for use by registered practitioners and has historically had a high safety profile in surgical and therapeutic use since its synthesis in the 1960s. Its scope of treatment and potential use cases continue to grow and develop as Ketamine is studied further. Ketamine is prescribed off-label to treat various mental health issues.
Platonic love, devised by Plato, concerns rising through levels of closeness to wisdom and true beauty, from carnal attraction to individual bodies to appeal to souls and, eventually, union with the truth.
Thank you to readers Kathryn, Barbara and Jenny for the excellent resources for starting to get educated about menopause. I realize I'm feeling less unprepared now. I have lots to catch up on!! I am grateful I was so clever to ask!!! Thank you again; my old tendency of winging it feels super irresponsible.