smells like

visceral sensory experiences

The lemurs’ songs, like those of human calls, help solidify group and pair bonds.

Today is a good day to glimpse into my ongoing journey of recovery and self-discovery with drugs.

As a child, the absence of a safe and nurturing relationship left me with an undeveloped self. There was no one to turn to for reflection, validation, or guidance. The void extended to moments of pain, where no comforting presence could be found. Successes were uncelebrated, and intimacy-building skills remained unexplored.

Recently, I've been unlocking profound sensory experiences through psychedelics, particularly Ketamine. This exploration has led me back to my intrinsic self, allowing me to reconnect with gorgeous memories. The rediscovery of touch, taste, and smell has become a powerful anchor in navigating a world that once seemed wordless.

In revisiting corners of my memory with Ketamine, I've found solace and comfort in visceral sensory experiences. Smells, in particular, have been a gateway to hidden pleasures and a connection to a time drenched in the unique odours of my early life—horse sweat, manure, diesel, and the wind in the prairies after the rain.

These sensory experiences have become cherished elements of my psyche, contributing to my uniqueness. The vivid descriptions of smells serve as a bridge, gracefully guiding me into the present moment.

A beautiful encounter during my dog walks with an elderly couple has added a new layer to my healing journey. Their scents of laundry soap, hand lotion, and warm spices create a sensorial cloud, allowing me to connect with their world momentarily, pulled into the smells that feel like love. Though they are strangers, my heart yearns for an easy, soothing connection with gentle humans.

I recognize that it might sound unconventional, but these brief encounters and imagined family moments have been instrumental in my healing and integration process. The power of the fantasy of a simple hug and sensory connection offers a reprieve from the intricacies of a tricky life in recovery, especially during grief and loneliness.

I am grateful that Ketamine has uncovered this layer of healing, showing me that what was learned can be unlearned. Once cut off from simple pleasures, the body has become a remarkable place to explore.

Reconnecting with my earliest sensory memories has profoundly impacted my understanding of safety and brought comfort in unexpected ways.

I want to express my appreciation for your existence.

Thank you.

I would like it if we could carry on. Your presence in my life is a gift, more than words can say.

hugs and drugs,

1. Have you ever had a moment where a smell brought back a flood of memories for you?

2. What scents or smells put a smile on your face and make you feel warm inside?

3. If you could pick any three smells to capture and remember forever, what would they be?

4. Do you want to chat or hang out and share your story with me? I am happy to meet you on Zoom.