I love drugs.

holding myself accountable

I love drugs.

It is a bold statement but true.

The pursuit of happiness, as Carl Hart says, is for everyone.

It is about the pleasure we seek and our methods to find it.

This week I'm bringing something super special for you. 

When my husband and I came together, we were falling and faltering, face-down in muddy divorce aftermath, all while attempting to gracefully cross the single-parent finish line. Neither of us had a cheering squad - precisely the opposite. The ones trying to make it unbearable also roared while scorning us and didn't care much how we lived on.

It was a miserable heartbreaking road that brought us together.

Somehow, our pain's validity gave us hope for what we had caused and endured through past relationships. The price of admission for the next race into our relationship was truth or at least the version we were willing to give up for it to continue.

Bonded like abandoned puppies, we squirmed and squealed, scared to screw up but inevitable to avoid our common abusive tendencies.

Often thrashing through our messy past and proving ourselves unworthy of the good we thought we found. Repeatedly, we argued, arm-wrestled for the power we had lost, gripped at and grappled never again to give up. Fearful to look like fools and uncertain, convinced life had tricked us by the foul faults and fear that flooded our hearts. Drugs brought us on a new journey of unearthing these memories, connecting clues and remembering who we are.

I love drugs.

The warmth flooding welcomes softness into my body that I've never known in any other way. Drugs are teachers. It is our choice and liberty to consume to create altered states, connect to the patterns and dark places we go, and relieve ourselves from our old reality. 

Drugs are the tool that broke through our trauma and pain. Drugs are a safe invitation to expand the human experience - into joy, happiness, and contentment. We have found it is a freedom of expression beyond words or wisdom. The wordless stories that lived in the body now seize something new and precious. Now we can have it all, rocking the waves of love and despair. 

Drugs let us see behind the pain into the possibility. The work we have to do together takes us home to ourselves.

Drugs in a safe context allow us to heal or grow together and support the pursuit of happiness and pleasure in our relationship. 

It is super special to be here contributing to a greater conversation by calling out my parts in the shared history of abusive pasts to tell a loud, personal, and poignant story about drugs, which brought me into the light of forgiveness and opportunity.

A form of loving drugs is to hold myself accountable.

Thanks for reading.

See ya later’gater!

Resources:

1. As Jet Petty said on YouTube Dr. Hart is an academic free-thinker with cajones. Thank you Jet and Thank you Carl.

2. My husband's ex-wife is weirdly not shy about her interest in my work. She has listened to all my podcast interviews and offers her commentary to family members. (I have only met her twice IRL) It is more than just creepy. Understandably, my writing may bring up emotions for her; this AmItheAsshole Reddit thread might be a good spot for those feelings.

3. Brain health aftercare is part of psychedelic self-care. Learn which MDMA supplements RollSafe recommends and why. 

4. Hold Me Tight program helped us immensely. We learned how to be responsive and caring with the emotional balance needed to deal with our life's challenges. 

5. I do not receive any financial benefit from offering resources in this newsletter. If ever I do, I will clearly state affiliate links.